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BULLYING
& VICTIMIZATION: A Parent’s Guide
Psychology DepartmentPsychological
Services of the Toronto Catholic District School Board is committed to using its
professional knowledge and expertise in assisting parents and schools to ensure
that the learning environment remains a safe and welcoming place for children to
grow and develop their full potential within the context of our Catholic faith
and Gospel values. Psychology staff make use of their psychological knowledge base and clinical skills to support the Board policy of anti-violence in our schools. Our commitment to whole school anti-bullying programmes is illustrative of this thrust. Psychology staff are engaged in raising public awareness of this problem, providing ongoing workshop series and training to support schools in the implementation of anti-bullying programmes. To supplement the Psychology Newsletter focusing on the theme of Bullying & Victimization, a binder containing guidelines and resources on anti-bullying programmes is available to all elementary TCDSB schools. This
brochure and website represents an attempt to reach out to parents it invite all
of you to be partners in our fight against injustice and suffering that can
pervade the lives of our children if we allow bullying and victimization to go
unchecked. John
Chan, Psychological Associate, East Curriculum Support Unit has played a key
role in bringing information on the topic of bullying and victimization to the
attention of a variety of stakeholders within the Toronto Catholic District School Board.
The contents of this brochure reflect in large part his work in this
area. Fran
Rauenbusch can be addressed to: Dr.
Fran Rauenbusch, Members
of the interdisciplinary team of your school BULLYING
& VICTIMIZATION: There
is now a growing body of international data which consistently shows a rate of
7% of students reporting bullying other students and 9% of students reporting
being victimized with some regularity in an average elementary school.
Some studies by Debra Pepler, Ziegler & Rosenstein-Manner conducted
locally in inner city Toronto elementary schools had come up with similar, if
not higher rates of the problem. What
is Bullying? Different
definitions of bullying agree on the following characteristics: Bullying
is: A
deliberate act to harm and intimidate
Bullying
should be distinguished between isolated aggressive acts, rough and tumble play
and conflicts between two equals. For
example, it is not bullying when two children of roughly the same age, strength,
or developmental level fight or quarrel. Bullying
can be:
PHYSICAL: VERBAL: SOCIO-EMOTIONAL: These
behaviours can further take on racist and sexual dimensions e.g. racial taunts,
graffiti, ethnic slurs and gestures; unwanted physical contact or abusive/dirty
comments. Consequences:
For
the Victim:
These
behaviours can result in a vicious cycle of escalating victimization: e.g.
lowered self-esteem, ineffective avoidance strategies and fear reactions further
reinforce the bully’s choice of a particular student as a prime target.
School becomes an inescapable nightmare for the victim, suffering in
silent indignity and humiliation of his/her person.
They also tend to blame themselves for their plight, and in their misery
are often convinced by the bully that they deserve it and that they invite the
bullying upon themselves. Being
bullied is thus a very serious matter, and the available research data have
pointed out clearly that:
For
the Bully: The
bully learns that aggression on, and abuse of, another person pays.
The material rewards (e.g. taking possession of the victim’s leather
jacket) and social rewards (e.g. being recognized as a gang leader) are powerful
incentives to ensure the perpetuation of this pattern of behaviour.
And because adults seldom intervene and the victims feel it is useless to
tell adults, the bully often gets away with the act and feels he is omnipotent.
Aggression will become his/her predominant mode of solving problems.
Bullying can therefore be viewed as a component of a more generally
antisocial and rule-breaking, conduct-disorder behaviour pattern, predictive of
maladjustment in later life, as confirmed in the following findings; Bullies have 4 times the average
rate of ending up on a criminal register They
have more adjustment problems in the course of their lives: e.g. a much higher
rate of using mental health services, more alcoholism, more driving offenses,
more antisocial personality disorders The failure to learn prosocial
behaviour interferes with major spheres of their lives, They do not achieve
socially, economically or professionally There is more abusive behaviour
in their spousal relationships Although bullies tend to be
equal to their normal peers in measured intelligence, their aggressive behaviour
often gets in the way of developing intellectual skills.
By junior high school they usually get lower grades and develop a
negative attitude to school. Over
time, their aggression is a marker for every negative outcome that there is in
life. They seldom achieve a high
degree of success in school or careers. The
price that both the family and the society have to pay is great indeed: Parents
should therefore be very concerned about bullying because the bullies are not
just harming others, they are also harming themselves.
There are dire consequences not only for the victims, but also for the
bullies. What
Can Be Done?
The
past decades of psychological research on this topic have clearly established
that a whole-school anti-bullying approach is the most effective way of dealing
with the problem. This
is most succinctly encapsulated in the statement the British Government made in
its first Action
Against Bullying Pack which was sent to
every school in the U.K.: “The
single most important thing a school can do to prevent bullying is to have a
clear policy to which staff, pupils and parents are committed” The
TCDSB Policy Register on Violence Prevention sent out to all schools in March,
1995 included these clearly stated principles: “TCDSB
is committed to a safe and welcoming learning environment for out students and
staff”. “Students
must receive a strong violence prevention message.
Those who would use violence to resolve their differences, to harm, to
intimidate or to harass others must be certain that they will be dealt with
firmly and with demonstrated consequences”. Under
this Policy, every TCDSB School is required to establish a Code of Behaviour,
which amongst other things will: “…state
unequivocally that intimidation, physical, verbal or written, sexual or
psychological abuse, or BULLYING shall not be tolerated”. The
policy itself is a statement intended to guide action and organization within
TCDSB schools. It assists them in
establishing a clear set of agreed aims which provide pupils, staff and parents
with a sense of direction and an understanding to do something about bullying
behaviour. Individual schools will
then have to define strategies, procedures and systems for preventing and
responding to bullying. These have
to be implemented at a system-wide level i.e. all parts of the school system
have to be addressed in a concerted effort to change attitude and behaviour. Addressing
Bullying at the School Level:
Bullying
and victimization is a school problem not only because the school is the arena
where the act is committed, but also because school attendance is mandatory and
children cannot choose who they want to be with.
It is the right of children therefore, to be assured of their safety
whilst under the charge of the school, and to expect that their learning and
their lives are not disrupted by bullying.
The school needs the support of the whole community to achieve this goal. The
school might feel that acknowledging the existence of the problem will
stigmatize itself in the eyes of parents, particularly if the other schools in
the locality are not doing anything. There
still exists the myth that only bad schools have bullying.
Informed parents should therefore make it known to their schools that any
preventive, proactive programme aimed at reducing violence and bullying has your
full support and approval as a progressive school. When
Bullying Occurs:
If you suspect that your child
is being bullied, ask him/her directly. Children
who are being bullied are often frightened to tell adults what is happening and
may deny at first that there is anything wrong.
Assure your child of your support and that it is not his/her fault.
Take what your child tells you seriously and find out exactly what has
been going on. If your child is actually being
bullied, do not expect that the problem will go away by itself.
Do not promise to keep the bullying secret but reassure your child that
you will help sort out the problem. Take
immediate action to inform the school authority.
Ask to see the class teacher and/or the Principal directly.
Expect that the matter is dealt with in a way that your child will
receive full protection from retaliation by the bully.
The school may choose some proven, pragmatic methods to deal with the
bully which might not initially appear to you as deserving punishment for the
bully. But if these methods result
in favourable outcome for you child and improve the situation, it will be wise
to support the school’s efforts. Keep the school informed about
the situation so that they know if their method of addressing the bullying has
been successful. When you learn that your child
is being bullied, keep a log of incidents and make a note of all injuries with
photographs and details of doctor/hospital visits.
A written and dated record makes it easier to check facts.
Keep a note of everyone you speak to about the bullying, and keep copies
of any letters you write. Some parents expressed concerns
that if they told the school that their children were targets of bullying, their
children’s report card in school or their chances of entering a reputable
university or college would be jeopardized.
Not only is this not true, but also parents should trust that TCDSB
schools will do all they can to resolve the situation.
If the student and parents do not come forward to make a formal
complaint, there is no way that the school can know and intervene accordingly. Each school has an
interdisciplinary support team comprising Psychology, Social Work and other
professional staff. Their services
to you and your child are accessed through the school principal. Being bullied is a serious
matter. Many forms of bullying are
criminal in nature (e.g. physical assault, stealing or destructions of personal
properties, extortion). As a
parent, you may want to report the incidents to the police even if the bully is
under- aged. Ask the police to
document the incident. If all else fails, ask the
principal for support in having your child transferred to another school.
The same child may thrive in a different school environment with a group
of children having different values. How
Do I Know If My Child is A Victim of Bullying:
Out
of shame and/or fear, a lot of times children do not tell adults that they are
being bullied. Adults working with
children should be vigilant about the possible signs that they are being bullied
at school. For
parents, these are tell-tale signs that a child may be victimized by bullying. Children
may:
Adapted
from Kidscape: Stop Bullying How
Can I Bully-Proof My Child?
Research
tells us some children are more prone to victimization because they are anxious,
fearful and unassertive by disposition. They
are generally weaker physically and are more over protected at home.
Their demeanor signals to the bully that they will not retaliate or be
able to defend themselves effectively when picked on.
But this should not be taken as the victims’ fault.
Not all children having this disposition will end up being bullied,
because there may not be a bully around to make life miserable for them. The
problem lies with the bully himself/herself.
Children who bully others pick on people because they need a
target-victim. They will also try
to find an excuse to justify their action that the victim is different and
therefore deserves to be picked on (e.g. speaking with an accent, being
overweight, having pimples). Children
with special needs are more vulnerable, because they may have specific problems
such as poor coordination, speech or language difficulties.
Sometimes the bullying can be worse if the child’s special needs are
not immediately apparent (e.g. hearing loss or cystic fibrosis).
School staff should be made aware that these children need extra help.
In some cases, preparing all the children by discussing issued generally
may avoid problems. No
one deserves to be bullied because they are different.
The Gospel values of TCDSB schools teach children to appreciate and value
that each one of us is different, to demonstrate the respect due to all human
persons, and to create school communities where a sense of belonging, of
ownership and of caring for one another prevails. It
is important for children being bullied to know that it is not their fault, and
to realize that the bullies are not omnipotent.
It is natural for victimized children to feel scared, completely helpless
and quite alone. They need to be
told that the situation is not hopeless and that adults will intervene on their
behalf, and they should not feel guilty or shameful.
They need to understand that by not telling anyone they are fueling the
power of the bully and reinforcing his/her aggressive acts. I
t may be encouraging for victims to know that it is possible to succeed in life
in spite of being bullied at school. Many
well-known people were bullied when they were young.
Kidscape 6 gave a list of some of them:
Phil Collins (singer), Harrison Ford (actor), Mel Gibson (actor), Daryl
Hannah (actress), Tom Cruise (actor), Michelle Pfeiffer (actress), Dudley Moore
(actor), Neil Kinnock (politician), Frank Bruno (boxer), Janice Long (DJ),
Amanda Ross (TV presenter), Duncan Goodhew (Olympic swimmer), Michael Grade
(Head of Channel 4 TV in the U.K.), Sir John Harvey Jones (industrialist &
TV presenter), Ranulph Fiennes (Polar explorer).
No doubt the list can go on. There
is a lot that parents can do to bulwark your child against being selected as a
target of bullying. Consider
the following tips: Being a social isolate highly
increases the probability of being bullied.
Having even one friend on the playground is one of the most powerful
protectives, especially for boys. Increasing
the social opportunities of your kids is the most useful prevention.
Invite other children, and groups of children, over to the house.
Encourage sleepovers. Widen
your child’s social circle by encouraging him/her to participate in group and
community activities (e.g. the Scouts/Guides, volunteering at the Food Bank). A bully preys on children who
signal fearfulness and submissiveness. Teach
assertiveness, which is different from being aggressive.
Raise your child’s self-confidence.
Enroll him/her in classes and groups that develop competencies in
activities that are valued by peers (e.g. music, art work, computer skills).
Help your child develop interests in areas which enable him/her to feel
good about himself/herself. Do not teach your child to fight
back. Fighting back is the worst
defense. In many instances the
victimized children are actually physically smaller and weaker than the bully
and fighting back can result in real physical harm.
Besides, not all bullying takes the form of physical aggression.
Counter-aggression to any form of bullying actually increases the
likelihood of continued aggression. This
also answers a question often raised by parents, which is whether martial arts
training is useful. The foregoing
argument applies here, that it is not advisable to teach your child to fight
back at a bully. On the other hand,
martial arts training in its essence serves to bring out other valuable
qualities other than brute force or vengeance. They
teach self-restraint, self-discipline and confidence in your own physical
potentials-all are important signals to the bully that you are not an easy prey. Discuss possible bullying
scenarios with your child and how best to handle those situations.
In encountering a bullying incident, it is natural for children to feel
panicky and therefore play into the hands of the bully.
Responding appropriately (e.g. staying calm, using strategies like humour
or verbal comeback to defuse the situation, or telling the bully assertively to
leave one alone) signals to the bully that you are not an easy target, and
decreases the chance of being further victimized.
There are programmes at the school level to teach children such
strategies. The Anti-Bullying
Binder prepared by the Psychology Department is available at your child’s
school, and contains ideas you might find useful. It is important to know what
goes on in the school day for your child. Make
it a routine to ask about his/her day in school; ask what upsets them, not only
what they are happy about. It is important to know what
goes on in the school day for your child. Make
it a routine to ask about his/her day in school; ask what upsets them,
not only what they are happy about. Establish parent networks and
support groups. Talk to other
parents; where there is one victimized child there are likely to be others.
The Catholic School Advisory Council can be a focal point for information
and creative problem-solving, as well as being a resource to the school in its
efforts to provide a violence-free environment for children to learn in. What
To Do If My Child Bullies Others?
There
are many reasons why a child may become a bully.
Some children may turn to bullying as a way of coping with a difficult
situation: death of a loved one,
their parents’ divorce. Some are
just spoilt rotten and bully to get his/her own way.
Some may be victims of abuse and act out their frustrations and anger on
others. Some want power, control
and prestige and are prepared to use aggression and violence to command
compliance and allegiance. Some do
it for material benefits. Others
copy what another person they admire does (e.g. a TV character portraying
aggression). A lot of times,
children who bully others have a distorted view of the world and misperceive how
others treat him or her. Whatever
the cause, bullies pick on others as a way of making life better for themselves. In
many cases, boys are the perpetrators of direct, physical bullying on other boys
and girls. They are frequently
bigger and stronger than their victims and they use intimidation to get what
they want. They are often not happy
and use bullying as a means of trying to achieve popularity and make friends. Watch
out for the following tell-tale signs that your child may be a bully: Children
who bully others usually:
Adapted
from D. Olweus (1993) Helping
The Bullying Child:
For
a fact, parents of students who are bullied and, in particular, who bully
others, are relatively unaware of the problem and talk with their children about
it only to a limited extent. It is
therefore often a shock to learn from the school that your child is bullying
others. The initial reactions are
typically disbelief, denial and defensiveness.
Very often too, the bullying student will try to lay the blame squarely
on the victim, and the latter in some instances might have acted irrationally
(e.g. fighting back) to complicate the matter further.
It is important to maintain objectivity, to examine the evidence
carefully and to assist the school in its effort to put an end to bullying.
Bullies have to learn that bullying is unacceptable and that if they
continue to behave unacceptably, there are consequences.
Although they should be given plenty of encouragement and help to change,
bullies must not be allowed to get away with tormenting others.
They are hurting both themselves and others. Consider
the following tips:
Bystanders:
Congratulations,
if your child is neither a bully or a victim.
He/she is amongst the 85% of students in the school who constitute the
silent majority amidst the bullying act. Most
school bullying occurs in full public view.
Your child would probably have occasions of seeing it, or at least know
or heard about it from others. The
bully obtains a large part of his/her rewards socially (e.g. prestige or
recognition that he/she is “top dog”).
The bully also needs a reaction from the audience, which may be
entertainment, arousal, alarm or fear. The
social contagion that takes place also draws some audience into becoming part of
the action. The response of the
bystanders therefore feeds into the social chemistry of the bullying act,
whether the individual is aware of, or likes it. Children
who witness bullying are known to experience distress and anxiety reactions
(e.g. nightmares, fear of going to school), although they themselves have not
been directly involved or victimized. They
feel for the victims and are also fearful for their own safety, knowing all too
well that the winds of bullying can change and they could be the target next. For
the most part, they keep their knowledge, fears and anxieties to themselves
without telling adults. They are
also influenced by the hidden values in the student subculture which regards
informing on peers as "snitching", " tattle-telling", or being
a "rat", thereby conferring a false sense of invincibility and
omnipotence on the bully. The
85% silent majority can have a dramatic impact, if together they take a common
stand on injustice. You
have an important role to play in combating bullying and victimization by
teaching your child to:
Tom Donovan,
Director of Education
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